Familial relationships are exceptionally complicated: the relationship that exists between couples, between parents and their children, between siblings, and of course between extended family.

It is important for me to clarify a few points regarding family arguments: before you get into a fight within your family, stop for a moment and ask yourself: how worth it is it for me to argue about this thing and risk causing harm to the relationship? How important is this value compared to the relationship? Hold an image of where your relationship is in your mind prior to the argument and compare it to how you imagine the relationship will look after you have argued. Is it really worth risking your relationship for the argument? Of course, there will be times when the answer will be ‘yes,’ when you feel that the matter at hand is a fundamental one, and you cannot continue on without raising the issue.

How to Argue?

How to argue (or get your message across) in the best way possible without being disrespectful or hurtful?

Here we have a very important idea: speaking from a place of “I”. “I feel that…”, “It is hard for me when…” and most importantly, to express how you feel without blaming the other person! Placing blame will only hurt the other person and creates a ping-pong effect of blaming one another. Worse than this, sometimes these arguments and the blame that is placed can stay in the mind of the emotionally injured person forever.

Please, before you enter into an argument, count to ten, breathe deeply, and ask yourselves the questions I wrote above. Remember not to blame the person, rather explain how you feel from your point of view. No: “you did this,” rather: “from my experience…” And if it’s too late and you already find yourself in an argument, here are some useful sentences to defuse the situation that will make room for useful dialogue: “Let’s think together how we can solve this in a way that will leave both of us at least partly satisfied,” or “how is it possible for us to improve the situation?” Your thought process should ideally come from a place of “how do I solve this” and not from a place of “how do I show the other person that I’m right and he or she is wrong”. May you all enjoy thriving relationships!