Shani, a 40-year-old woman, came to me to seek advice in regards to her mother. She complained that her mother still controls her after all these years even though she is already a mother herself. Shani lacked self-confidence and was scared of little things, such as speaking to strangers, driving to places she wasn’t familiar with, and taking her children to the park without her husband. She wanted to be able to do these things without feeling scared.
I immediately understood that her lack of self-confidence was caused by her mother’s domineering tendencies. Shani had never been given the opportunity to make her own decisions. Her mother was still calling her daily to tell her how to live her life and how to raise her daughters. Sometimes, her mother would show up at Shani’s house unannounced. She felt like a small child who was scared to go out into the world. She was always dependent on her mother, and after that, on her husband, however, she often felt criticized by them and never felt that she was receiving the love she needed.
She never developed independence in her teenage years, which is a critical stage in any adolescent's development. Her husband decided by himself that he would be the breadwinner and that she would stay home and raise their children. I understood that her unhappiness stemmed from her inability to express her wishes and because she never established boundaries with her mother, husband, and others.
During our private sessions together, we worked on strengthening her self-confidence and her ability to express her wishes. We discovered how she likes to spend her free time and turned it into her career: teaching dancing via Zoom. I advised her how to slowly release the control she had given her mother over her and how to develop self-belief and independence. As she was not interested in a six-month process to treat the root of her fears, I advised her to go for an alternative treatment: Bach flowers. This helped her fare better with the panic attacks she experienced.
A year after we had finished meeting, she told me that she was doing much better. The Bach flowers helped her with her panic attacks, and she was more patient and calm with her children. She reported that she felt more capable to deal with everyday challenges, which in the past had caused her much stress. She told me that she feels much more confident to stand up for herself when dealing with her mother and husband. She is now able to establish boundaries as I advised her to do. Today, she has a steady number of followers on youtube who learn different types of dance from her videos. Despite her fear of crowds, she manages to teach small groups on Zoom. She is so happy and feels as though her new life is a gift. What an honor it is for me to help people come out of hard times and improve their quality of life!
