When I hear the words “it’s your fault” or “you’re to blame”, I become anxious and adrenaline rushes to my head. Injustice always makes me jump from my seat and makes me want to shout, “not true, you’re to blame!” But instead, I simply say, “there’s no room for placing blame here, no one is at fault.”

In the past, I was emotionally manipulated many times, both as a child and throughout my marriage. I really struggled and I didn’t feel that I could resist or express myself in these situations. I felt frozen and silenced. I mainly struggled with feelings of guilt; if I didn’t do what was being asked of me, I was a bad person. For many years I played the game. I was there for everyone else but me so that I wouldn’t feel guilty.

Then one day I just had enough! I had to go through a horrible divorce and develop fibromyalgia in order to understand that the time had come to put myself first. I had completely lost any desire to be around people, so much so, that I didn’t have energy left for myself. I decided to put an end to this and take back control. With time, I learned to hear my own voice, to express my wishes, and my unwillingness. It was a long and complicated process and it didn’t happen all at once.

Nowadays I can identify emotional manipulation in a second, and my immediate reaction is: “that doesn’t suit me.” Today, I put myself and my needs first. I measure everything against my happiness. I ask myself: “Will this make me happier or not?” And if the answer is no, I say: “Thanks, but it doesn’t suit me.” I love myself like this: assertive, I know what I want, and I don’t feel stuck anymore. I take my place in this work with pride and with a powerful voice. My story can also be your story if you want it and choose it.